The Green Burial Guidebook Page 4
Recompose
Recompose is the brainchild of Washington State’s Katrina Spade, and it is yet another technique for turning human remains into nutrient-rich earth, so that death supports life and not the other way around. Spade has designed a system that will function not unlike a typical composting container: Bodies will be placed on a bed of “biological remnants,” such as wood chips and straw. In about a month, the bodies and wood chips will steadily decompose and turn into soil, which will be removed and used by farmers and others. Spade calls this process “recomposition,” and the first composting facility, based in Seattle, is on target to be a reality by 2023.
Spade imagines that the building will resemble a chapel or sanctuary, so that the entire process for families wouldn’t be unlike a traditional funeral service. The life of their loved one will be celebrated, and everyone will participate in the process during what she calls the “laying in” ceremony.
Part 2
A GUIDE TO GREEN BURIALS
Chapter 3
MAKING A PLAN
Green Burials and Home Funerals
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. Death is but a transition from this life to another existence where there is no more pain and anguish. All the bitterness and disagreements will vanish, and the only thing that lives forever is love.
— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, On Grief and Grieving
We all know that we need to plan ahead for our own death and for the deaths of our loved ones. But these are hard things to consider, and hard conversations to have, and we often put them off. A recent survey by the Conversation Project confirms what I’ve encountered myself: “While more than nine in ten Americans think it’s important to talk about their own and their loved ones’ wishes for end-of-life care, less than three in ten have actually held these sorts of discussions.”
Don’t be part of the 70 percent. Consider what you want, or what others want, for end-of-life care and burial arrangements, and discuss these with your family and friends. Share your preferences and your motivations for choosing them. To help others take care of you in the way you want when you’re gone, clearly blueprint your final wishes. Write down how you want your body handled, how you would like to be celebrated, and the type of disposition you prefer. The advance directives part of your will is a good place to designate a person to carry out your wishes.
That said, I want to begin with a gentle note of caution: Sometimes your vision cannot be carried out. Time, or even weather, may not cooperate. There can be all kinds of stumbling blocks. By the time of your passing, the members of your assembled team may not be physically or emotionally able to follow through, your loved ones may disagree over what’s best, or your well-choreographed ceremony may be too complicated, and so on. As you plan, anticipate this and build flexibility into your wishes. This gives yourself and others a grand gift, since it allows plans to be adapted while still fulfilling your wishes.
In this chapter, I will help you take the first steps in planning. I discuss what you should consider, costs to anticipate, and making a “funeral wish list.” However, what makes considering these details so difficult, and why people often put them off, is the bigger questions they imply. They ask us to undertake a life review. How do we want to make peace with our family and the universe, and depart this world, with the utmost love and dignity? We have to consider this and let our wishes be known. Not only do we want a ceremony that aligns with our personality, or with the personality of a loved one, but we should consider how that ceremony will give people a quality opportunity to express their love and appreciation as a community.
When it comes to green burials and home funerals, it’s even more important to make sure the people close to you understand your preferences and reasons. Unless you tell them, they may think it doesn’t matter, or that you prefer a more traditional burial, using a typical casket, tombstone, embalming, and regular cemetery. Be prepared to answer any curious questions and explain the differences of natural burial. Perhaps even have resources ready, like websites, where people can learn more.
Ultimately, by choosing a natural or green burial, and providing clear instructions, you release your loved ones of the anguish that comes with having to make complicated, and often costly, decisions after your passing.
TALES FROM THE GRAVE
Traditionally, the Irish celebrate the deceased at home with an overnight vigil and party. Drinking and eating are encouraged, but grieving is not, since they believe that the person’s soul is journeying happily to the next life. According to the website Nerdy Gaga: “Some Irish put a wooden plate on top of the deceased’s chest with some amount of soil and salt. The soil symbolizes as ‘the body will return into dusts,’ and the salt symbolizes the soul that will not decay.”
What Is Your Vision?
When I talk with families at my funeral home, I find people are increasingly interested in burials and funerals that are more environmentally and spiritually satisfying. Few in America currently care for their dead at home, but the number is increasing as people seek more intimacy and human connection with after-death-care details. Remember, green burials and home funerals are not new ideas. They are the oldest and most natural form of interment. Back in the day, the body was always kept at home, and family members oversaw the final plans.
What is your vision? What would be personally satisfying and feel right to you? What directives do you want to leave your survivors?
As you read this book, consider every aspect of green burials and home funerals, and keep a list of what’s important to you. After your death, how do you want your body handled? Would you want it washed, dressed, and handled with grand kindness by a loved one? Would you like to assign “cadaver custodians” to wrap your body in a shroud, perhaps from a lovely tapestry that has hung on your wall for years? Would you prefer being placed in an organic cocoon made of banana leaves or thatched straw? Would you want your favorite music playing during these preparations?
Would you feel comforted to know your freshly clean body will be escorted by people you know and trust to a natural burial ground, a gorgeous, green pasture of flowers and trees? What sort of grave would you prefer, and how would you want to be placed in it: by certain people or in certain ways that reflect the refinement and care you desire? Are there aspects of the ceremony you’d like to specify? In what way do you want to be returned to the earth, so that in death you nourish the land and the loved ones you’ve left behind?
What would feel natural as friends come to visit your resting space? Would you want a tree to mark your grave, or would you prefer grasslands to cover you, with no marker at all? As the roots of these gifts of nature stretch down through the soil into your body, do you like the idea that you will rise up and live again to experience the phenomenon of living in the glory of the world? Does it make you smile to think of your visitors marveling at the fruitfulness of your body and praising you for the richness you have added to the planet?
It’s as important to think of spiritual questions as practical ones. For help with both, you can also seek out a funeral home that offers or will help plan a green funeral or burial. All funeral homes are legally obligated to help you plan and execute a natural burial, so see what your local funeral director knows about green funeral options. If you talk to someone who just stares blankly back at you, keep looking. Some funeral homes have already adopted green practices in their preparation and burial techniques, making it much easier for you to plan a green burial. Plus, certified green funeral homes are becoming more prevalent. Visit the Green Burial Council (see Resources), which certifies green funeral homes and maintains a list of providers on their website. You may find great options in your area.
Set aside a quiet hour or two to think
about your death and what you want for your burial arrangements. Think about how you want your funeral to look and feel for those who will gather in your honor. If you don’t, your family will have to guess at a time when emotions will be running high. I have seen siblings fall out arguing over what photo to use on the front of the funeral program.
By writing out your after-care suggestions, your loved ones will hopefully feel less anxiety. We can’t control how others grieve, but we can express what we want, which will give others permission to celebrate our life by fulfilling our wishes. This may help others cope with their sense of loss and provide a channel for mourning.
TIP: It’s simple: If you want to be eco-friendlier, think less extravagantly. Kindness toward the Earth usually means doing less, and this attitude can be adapted to all facets of life, including death.
How Much Does a Green Burial Cost?
There isn’t a standard cost for a green burial, since so many aspects of a modern funeral and burial can be either omitted or done yourself. Typically, green burials are less expensive than modern burials, and in some cases, they can be significantly less expensive. The difference usually depends on how much work you intend to do yourself and the cost of the materials and services you use.
An average estimate of a modern funeral and burial in the United States is anywhere from $6,000 to $10,000, depending on the specific goods and services you choose. Just like anything in life, you can choose the high-end model with all the extras, or you can pick the stripped-down floor model. Natural burial only requires the basics to get your loved one from point A to point B.
Green burial can be highly cost effective; it’s all about simplicity. For instance, you can lower costs by choosing to be buried in a shroud made of a cloth you already own or in a no-frills pine coffin. If you make the coffin yourself, your only cost is the materials. Even a manufactured, biodegradable casket or shroud usually costs less than a conventional casket, which is often made of fabricated steel or lacquered hardwoods. If you forgo embalming, that cost is gone (both conventional and green embalming cost about the same, and both require a professional). Green burials also don’t require concrete vaults or liners, which is another cost eliminated.
Headstones are another expense that is highly variable. The grandest headstones can run thousands of dollars, but if you choose a natural marker, or no marker at all, then you pay nothing. Some cemeteries use a GPS system to mark and locate graves, while other cemeteries charge a small fee to place a boulder.
On the other hand, I have known a few instances where a green burial plot was more expensive than a burial space in a standard cemetery. The family chose to bury their loved one in a pricey conservation burial ground, where the cemetery charged a steep fee for the perpetual care of the land. In addition, more specific ongoing maintenance is required for unlined graves, since there isn’t a grave liner or box holding up the soil from naturally settling.
Let’s take a look at how these costs break down on average:
Modern Burial
Green Burial
Basic services of funeral home: $500–$2000 (Includes arrangement conference, staff, overhead, paperwork assistance, and funeral director guidance.)
Basic services of funeral home: $500–$2,000
DIY funeral: $0
Transportation of remains to funeral home: $250–$650
Transportation of remains to funeral home: $250–$650
Home funeral: $0
Chemical embalming: $250–$500
Green embalming: $250–$500
No embalming: $0
Dressing: $150–$300
Dressing: $0–$300
Casket: $500–$20,000
Casket or shroud: $0–$3,000
Funeral ceremony with viewing: $2,000–$5,000
Funeral ceremony with viewing (no embalming and minimal preparation): $500–$2,000
Home funeral: $0 (or nominal)
Headstone: $500–$5,000
Headstone: $500–$5,000
No grave marker: $0
Grave space: $1,000–$8,000
Grave space: $1,000–$8,000
Backyard grave: $0
Grave liner: $500–$1,500
No grave liner: $0
Opening and closing the grave: $1,000 (Includes digging the grave, preparations for graveside service, refilling the grave, and restoring sod.)
Backyard grave opening and closing: $50–$500 (May involve purchasing supplies, backhoe rental, and so on.)
Hearse to cemetery: $300–$500
Hearse to cemetery: $300–$500
Home funeral with personal transportation or backyard burial: $0
As you can see, green burials and home funerals bypass many of the standard expenses of modern funerals, such as embalming, limousines, vaults, headstone carving, chapel services, and so on. Of course, prices vary widely, and some aspects of a green burial are potentially more expensive in some circumstances. Still, the upshot is that green burials usually save money and save the environment at the same time!
TIP: If you are using a funeral home, always request a recent copy of their general price list (also called a GPL), which is an itemized list of all the goods and services they offer. The “Funeral Rule” of the Federal Trade Commission requires all funeral homes to provide this to anyone making an at-need funeral arrangement. A green burial package should not exceed the cost of an immediate burial package, as essentially you are purchasing a simple burial.
Funeral Wish List
We plan for all major milestones in life, such as a child’s birthday and a wedding ceremony. Why wouldn’t we plan for our death? As you read this book and consider all the options (as well as any legal issues; see chapter 4), write down your wishes in a list to be eventually shared. This can be a working document that changes over time, but don’t keep this information in your head. That won’t do your loved ones any good once you’re gone.
Here is a list of seven important aspects to consider, perhaps in consultation with the people you want to carry out your wishes:
1.Who have you appointed to handle your final disposition arrangements? Who is your alternative person, in case the first appointed person is physically or emotionally unable to carry out your wishes?
2.Have you decided to use a traditional funeral home, or someone else, such as a home funeral guide (see page 71)? Or will your funeral be DIY? Does the funeral home or person in charge have your arrangements on file? Have you paid any pre-need costs?
3.What would you like your funeral and burial to look like? Do you want to specify the type of ceremony, or any part of it, such as specific songs, readings, activities, food, or even guests?
4.Is it important to you to have your loved ones view your body? Do you want to specify how a viewing of your body will be handled, and what you will wear?
5.What type of container would you like to be buried in? See chapter 7 for a list of green options, which include a cardboard or wooden casket, a willow or woven coffin, a favorite sleeping bag or comforter, or an organically made outfit or simple shroud.
6.Where would you like to be buried? If a specific cemetery is important, name it, or name the type of place and location, such as conservation grounds or at sea. Consider any specifics about the location that matter to you, such as physical placement on the land. Do you crave to be near a tree? Or the end of a row?
7.What would you like planted or placed on top of your grave? Do you want a specific plant or a standard grave marker? If using a marker, what will it be made out of, and how will it read?
TIP: To make sure your final wishes are considered legal, I always suggest writing them down and having a notary public stamp and record the document. Notaries are usually on staff at local banks. You can also google for a mobile notary to come to your home if you prefer.
Chapter 4
LEGALITIES TO CONSIDER
This book is not meant to act as a legal guide. In the Resources (page 159), I provide the names of several orga
nizations whose websites contain very helpful and up-to-date legal information. This chapter provides an overview of the main legal issues you need to explore; decide for yourself which pertain to your situation. If you remain uncertain or need more help, consider contacting an attorney.
First and foremost, green burials are legal in every state. But the way burials must be handled can vary. Always double-check with your county to make sure what you are planning to undertake is fully legal where you live.
Do I Need a Funeral Director?
In America, home funerals are legal everywhere. However, as of 2017, nine states require you to appoint a funeral home (and funeral director) for guidance and services. These states are Connecticut, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Michigan, Nebraska, New Jersey, and New York.
Here is what these states require, as described by the National Home Funeral Alliance:
Connecticut: Requires a funeral director’s signature on the death certificate and bars anyone but a funeral director or embalmer from removing a body or transporting it.
Illinois: Defines “funeral director or person acting as such” to include only funeral directors and their employees, according to the Illinois Administrative Code.
Indiana: Burial permits can only be given to funeral directors, though other statutes clearly refer broadly to the person in charge of the disposition, e.g., the next of kin.
Iowa: Recently changed its law to disallow local registrars from being able to supply burial transit permits, thus forcing families to hire funeral directors or engage medical examiners to file for them.