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  Louisiana: Mandates funeral director involvement in obtaining all necessary permits and funeral director presence at the final disposition of the body. In plain terms, the state literally requires families to hire an undertaker to supervise them.

  Michigan: Requires that death certificates be “certified” by a funeral director. Additionally, the wills and probate section of the law requires all body dispositions to be conducted by a licensed funeral director.

  Nebraska: Requires a funeral director to supervise all dispositions and gives funeral directors the right and authority to issue “transit permits” to move the body out of state.

  New Jersey: Requires a funeral director’s signature on the death certificate and mandates funeral director presence at the final disposition of the body.

  New York: Has requirements similar to Louisiana’s.

  Of course, every state has specific rules concerning disposition arrangements, and these rules differ, so you need to investigate, understand, and follow the rules where you live. However, all states allow for families to take the lead if they want to handle funeral and burial preparations themselves.

  TIP: If the death occurred in a different state than the one where you plan to bury the person, learn the rules and legalities for both states. My funeral home is in Oregon, but I’m close to the border of Washington, where the rules are different.

  Appointing Someone to Handle Arrangements

  If you hire a licensed funeral director, then that professional will handle and be responsible for following all legal requirements. If you don’t work with a funeral director, then it’s important to appoint someone to function in this role (or to take on this role yourself for someone else). This person should investigate and understand all the legal issues and assist your family in following them. This is not only to ensure that everyone acts within the scope of the law at all times, but also to ensure the validity of your choices for handling the deceased.

  According to USLegal.com, “State legislatures have adopted many statutes that regulate the disposal of dead bodies. Although the right to a decent burial has long been recognized as common law, no universal rule exists as to whom the right of burial is granted.” In essence, this means that each state has the right to control disposition, and some states require a licensed funeral director or licensed funeral services practitioner to supervise all aspects of disposition. In other states, only a licensed funeral director may sign and file the death certificate and obtain the burial transit permit, and the family can do everything else.

  Consider carefully which person you want to perform the critical role of ensuring that all specific funeral requests are carried out, that all the proper forms are signed, and that the burial proceeds legally. Often, people choose the legal next of kin, which is the simplest way to proceed, but sometimes this isn’t the best person for this duty. The next of kin might become emotionally overwhelmed after the death of a loved one. In addition, make sure that the person in charge isn’t already in conflict with other family members.

  I remember a woman who came into my funeral home and confessed that while she wanted her sister to handle everything when it came to her own funeral, she felt her brother was more appropriate to handle any necessary paperwork. The woman opted to appoint her brother to handle arrangements and her sister to prepare her body for the viewing and to run the burial ceremony. You might want to consider a similar division of duties, one that fits everyone’s strengths.

  The Order of Next of Kin

  Typically, you will designate a close relative, next of kin, or power of attorney for health care who will be the person to make final disposition decisions. Some states also recognize your authority to name your own funeral arrangements in a will or living trust. If no one is specified, then this duty automatically falls to the next of kin.

  To qualify as next of kin, a person must be over eighteen years old and deemed mentally sound. Here is a partial list that reflects the order in most states:

  •Spouse (or registered domestic partner)

  •Children (normally starting with eldest legal offspring)

  •Parents

  •Siblings

  •Grandchildren

  •Grandparents

  •Nieces and nephews

  •Aunts and uncles

  •Great-grandchildren

  •Great-grandparents

  •Great-nieces and -nephews

  •First cousins

  •Great-aunts and -uncles

  •Great-great-grandchildren, and so on

  Basically, the order of next of kin continues until all potential relatives, no matter how distant, are exhausted, and only then would a friend be considered next of kin. It doesn’t matter how close or long-term your relationship is — whether the person is your live-in girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, or life partner. In the eyes of the law, unrelated, unmarried people are designated as “friends” and fall to the end of the list. So, again, if you want someone who is not related to you to be your legal next of kin, please take the time now to draw up and legally execute the correct document.

  However, one thing to keep in mind is that documents like a living trust are not accessible until after death. If the person designated to handle funeral arrangements is not already aware of your choices, that person may not learn of your wishes in time to carry them out. That is why it is so important to discuss your choice for natural burial with your family before your death.

  For instance, this happened with a woman named Trish, who called me at my funeral home quite upset after she learned she was chosen by her best friend to be the person to carry out her funeral wishes. But Trish hadn’t been told beforehand, and she only learned of it three weeks after the friend’s cremation. The will had been locked in a safety deposit box, which the next of kin couldn’t access until a funeral home was chosen, arrangements were made, and a certified copy of the death certificate was received and brought to the bank that held the will. Not only that, but the deceased had wanted a green burial. Trish was distraught that she hadn’t been able to provide her best friend with what she wanted, even though Trish wasn’t to blame. The whole thing could have been avoided with better planning by her well-meaning friend.

  Finally, if you feel it will be difficult or even impossible for a friend or family member to honor all your wishes for your burial, you can prepay a funeral home for an itemized contract of goods and services. This way, before your death, you’ve already outlined and paid for what you want to be done.

  TIP: If you trust your survivors to carry out your wishes and you’re not concerned with making them ironclad, you may use whatever method you like to make your preferences clear. Contracts and lawyers aren’t necessary if verbal agreements will do.

  Home Burial Packets

  If you are planning a loved one’s funeral and burial without hiring help, make sure to get something called a home burial packet or home funeral packet, which contains important forms (saving you the time and trouble of gathering them) and information on the rules for your state, which sometimes vary. Most mortuary boards, funeral bureaus, and cemetery licensing departments make these packets available upon request to the general public. In some states, packets can be downloaded online. A home burial packet should be requested by anyone who has been appointed to handle funeral arrangements or by families who are holding home funerals without the assistance of a funeral home, which typically charges to take care of filing the death certificate.

  If a person is in hospice, or has been told that death is imminent, the person acting as a funeral service practitioner should call for a packet. Do not wait until the death has occurred.

  As an example, the Oregon home funeral packet contains the following:

  •An Oregon death certificate and the instructions for completing the death certificate, which includes time-sensitive information.

  •An identification tag, which must be attached to the receptacle containing human remains. The number on the id
entifying metal disc is placed on the upper left-hand corner of the death certificate.

  •Facts about funeral and cemetery arrangements (which are provided by all states’ funeral boards or bureaus).

  •A fact sheet on the burial of human remains on private property.

  Above all, these packets serve to give practical information on how to learn about, plan for, and carry out a green burial. Reviewing this information sooner rather than later can help you decide whether (and in what ways) you might want to work with a funeral home.

  Filing for a Certificate of Death

  In the United States, it is legal for families to prepare and convey a dead body for disposition. However, if you choose to take full possession of your loved one’s body, you must take care of the legal paperwork that must accompany the body. Research this ahead of time, since the process can vary depending on the state where the death occurred. Ultimately, you will need a properly completed certificate of death, which is signed by the attending physician, medical examiner, or coroner (depending on the state).

  The certificate of death then needs to be filed with the registrar for the county where the death took place. This might be the town clerk if you are burying in a rural area or the city registrar in cities. Once this is done, the municipal registrar will issue you a permit for disposition. Some states allow a temporary permit before the death certificate is registered. This document goes by different names, but it is the legal permit you need to transport a body and accompany it to its final place of disposition, whether cremation, burial in a cemetery, or anatomical donation.

  Chapter 5

  IT TAKES A VILLAGE

  Getting Help and Hiring Professionals

  When someone is transitioning out of this world, many providers are needed. You simply can’t do it alone. Figuratively and literally, funerals take many hands. Green burial is all about building and leaning on community. It takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to bury the dead.

  Corpse wrapped in green and pink blankets on pine boughs in Native American ceremony (Photo credit: Gail Rubin, CT, agoodgoodbye.com)

  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, so consider the best ways for others to help. When someone is dying, certain individuals may be better at pain management and emotional comfort, someone else may help with religious and spiritual needs, and someone else might organize visitations. You will need all avenues of support with the funeral as well. Surround yourself with community, one with a centered response that recognizes death as a natural, accepted, and honored part of life.

  Consider how your existing community can be helpful: Can you put together a team from your personal and social connections to oversee and take on the practical steps needed for a successful home funeral and green burial? Without hiring a professional, can you assemble a tribe of loving souls who have both the understanding and the skills to accomplish the burial that you, or the deceased, want? Will you be comfortable handling the body (see chapter 8)? If not, a range of professional help is available.

  TIP: No matter what type of funeral you have, make sure to appoint a photographer, even if it’s just a friend using the built-in camera on their cell phone. Designate someone to regularly snap photos who will feel at ease documenting the journey, even if the moments are very personal and photography seems intrusive.

  As we all maneuver along our spiritual path, we ultimately discover that death truly links us to life and community. Even in death, people want to be remembered for how they brought people together and gave back to the world.

  Hiring a Funeral Home

  Even if you’re planning both a home funeral and a green burial, a funeral home can sometimes provide helpful or necessary assistance. Many funeral homes are advocates of natural burial, even though funeral directors go to school to learn how to preserve a body, not conserve the environment.

  Hiring a funeral home to file the death certificate can be very helpful. They do this daily, and the office staff know how to maneuver through all the various legal and bureaucratic channels to locate a doctor, fill out the form properly, get it signed, and then file it with the right agency. Funeral homes can file the certificate electronically if their state uses this method. An electronic death certificate speeds up the signing and certifying process, since there’s no need to courier documents around town.

  Funeral homes can assist with lots of practical details: They have vehicles built for transporting bodies, a facility for services, and products like burial containers suitable for your needs. You can hire a funeral home to help with only one or two tasks, or funeral homes can facilitate the entire service in many shades of green.

  That said, not all funeral homes are equally open to green burial. You want to find a funeral home that supports or adheres to the practices of natural burial and that will be willing to help in whatever ways you ask.

  To begin the search process, visit the Green Burial Council website (see Resources). Their provider page lists parlors nationwide that follow up-to-date standards and have packages for green burial services. Identify a few providers who are conveniently located to the deceased, and make some calls. Even if your local funeral home is not on this list, call them as well and get a feel for their willingness to help.

  Here is a series of questions to ask funeral directors. Modify these depending on your needs:

  Have they helped other families with green funeral and burial services?

  Do they have a package for these services on their general price list (or GPL)?

  Do they offer eco-embalming, or will they allow a visitation without embalming?

  Will they allow you to transport your own deceased loved one?

  Will they work with you to carry out your vision of a home funeral or green burial?

  Consider not just the funeral home’s specific answers but their attitude. Do they take the time to listen to your needs and agree to help where they can? Does personalization work with how they run their business, or do you hear the words, “That isn’t how we do things”? If you meet lots of confrontation, objections, or silence, move on and keep looking. Some families are fortunate enough to have the means and wherewithal to fully oversee and care for their dead. If you are not in that situation, please be gentle with yourself. You have not failed your loved one. Life sometimes throws a few curves in the plan, but funeral homes have capabilities and can be used for as little or as much support as you need to get through your tough time.

  Greenwashing

  As demand for green services and products grows, so does “greenwashing,” which is the term for a company or organization that spends more time and money claiming to be “green” than actually implementing business practices that minimize environmental impact. The Green Burial Council defines greenwashing as “the disingenuous act of making a product, service, or facility appear to be providing some environmental benefit, when in fact it does not.” The Green Burial Council and other regulating bodies are working to develop standards to prevent greenwashing.

  So, as you evaluate funeral homes, be on the lookout for greenwashing. Don’t take every marketing or advertising claim at face value. Since consumers are increasingly seeking out and willing to pay more for clearly green products, it’s not surprising that instances of greenwashing are on the rise. For help and advice, consult the Green Burial Council, whose mission includes ensuring accountability among providers of all things green burial.

  Death Care Consultants

  There are other professionals besides funeral homes you can hire to help. In Oregon, we have what are called “death care consultants,” though these professionals have different titles in other states. These are people who can consult on matters related to funeral or final disposition arrangements. The difference between them and a funeral home (or “funeral service provider”) is that a death care consultant cannot provide any direct physical assistance with, or supervision of, handling the body, but they are a great resource to hire for individuals who want to a
ct as their own funeral service provider. Consultants do not serve the same apprenticeship or take the same exam as a funeral director, even though consultants can handle a lot of the same facets of funerals and burials.

  End-of-Life Doulas

  Just like midwives who help with birth, there are now “midwives” who help with death. As medicine has advanced, sometimes we have let technology overwhelm the mortal dimension. Sometimes we need an experienced person who can be fully present with someone as they die, and then be fully present with the family to help with post-death needs. “Like birth, death is one of life’s most important transitions for a human,” notes Richard Gunderman in The Atlantic.

  Sometimes referred to as a death doula or death midwife, an end-of-life doula can provide emotional, psychological, and spiritual support to the patient, family, and community during all stages of dying, death, grieving, and burial. They are not licensed funeral directors or certified or registered nurses, but they help the person who is dying, and they help the family create healing rituals after death. Cassandra Yonder calls death midwifery “a grassroots response to the cultural alienation we are feeling from dying, death, post-death care, and grief.”

  To be clear, end-of-life doulas are not hired to take over various tasks for the family, such as filling out and filing the death-related paperwork or transporting the deceased to the place of burial. Think of this person as an end-of-life guide who helps the family and the dying person through the final period of living up until the moment of death.

  Home Funeral Guides

  Another important role in the death-care continuum is the home funeral guide. This person empowers the decedent’s family and friends to care for their own dead and guides them through the steps of after-death care. This trained individual can oversee the body’s preparations, although the physical work is done by the family. A home funeral guide serves as a coach — as someone who lovingly empowers a family to conduct the tasks of taking care of their own dead.