The Green Burial Guidebook Page 8

  All nondisposable materials that the deceased came in contact with can be disinfected. A half cup of household bleach in a gallon of water is an effective disinfectant. Do not feel shameful if you need or want to throw everything out or burn it in a secured trash barrel or fireplace.

  Rigor Mortis

  All dead bodies undergo rigor mortis, which is a temporary stiffening of the joints and muscles that begins a few hours after death. Rigor mortis usually lasts for at least one day, but it can continue for up to three days or more. This medical condition sometimes makes maneuvering a body a bit problematic. If you can, make positioning easier by immediately doing so prior to rigor mortis setting in.

  Here is a brief summary of the physical stages that occur in the days after death:

  •During the first three hours after death: Body will be warm and flexible.

  •Between three and eight hours after death: Body will remain warm to the touch, yet the limbs will begin to stiffen as rigor mortis sets in.

  •Eight hours and perhaps up to seventy-two hours after death: Body will become cold and remain stiff with rigor mortis.

  •Anytime after thirty-six hours after death: Body will be cold, but muscles will relax; the body will no longer be stiff.

  •Two or three days after death: Body will begin to putrefy if not preserved or embalmed.

  Washing the Body

  All dead bodies should be washed within a day after death. It’s optimal to do so within minutes or hours after a loved one has passed away, since the skin will still be supple and warm to the touch, and the bathers will feel as if they are taking care of a sleeping person. Also, any unpleasant smells, feces, or fluids can be quickly whisked away from the body.

  Freshening up the body is similar to a sponge bath. The attendants gently cleanse small areas at a time, and this allows the attendants quiet moments to gently position the body as they go. Always wash and work from head to toe. Moving and turning a dead body while washing can be awkward, so I recommend having a group of four to six people. Sometimes it is helpful to have even more people in the room for company and support; some can share stories of the loved one as others are directly hands-on with the bathing. Finally, create a loving ritual out of the act, with music, prayers, and positive memories. Lighting a candle is a really lovely way to begin the ritual.

  You need to mentally prepare yourself to wash the nude body of someone you love, which is uncharted territory for most people. Not only are you spending intimate time with someone you cared for, but they are no longer breathing. Their skin may be discolored, and there might be tubes and other devices attached to the body. Removing all of the clothing, bedding, diapers, and so on will make the washing process easier, but do this while remembering that continued reverence for the person’s modesty is vital.

  Most people feel more comfortable washing the body if the deceased’s eyes are closed. You can do this gently with your gloved fingers, or you can rest a washcloth on the face.

  As you begin and periodically throughout, everyone in the group should check in with one another. If, despite everyone’s best intentions, someone finds the experience just too much to bear, allow them to excuse themselves. It is okay to feel overwhelmed. Equally, it is okay to deem one person the leader of the ritual if the others would rather take instruction during this unfamiliar journey.

  As for supplies, all you need is a stack of washcloths and towels as well as a nearby bucket, bathtub, or sink basin filled with warm water and a small amount of soap. Don’t use too much soap, as a small amount goes a long way in this process. If the hair of the deceased needs attention — such as a haircut or, for men, a shave — have those supplies ready as well.

  As I advise, you might wish to wear protective gloves, smocks, or eyewear as you wash the deceased. As I’ve said, a dead body is not contagious, but your comfort and safety are key.

  Once everything and everyone are in place, start the bath, including any ritual, music, prayers, or chanting you wish. Sometimes it’s comforting to talk to the deceased as you work. I certainly do. In addition, it can be helpful if one person gives audible directions to the group, guiding everyone in what happens next.

  As for the bath, start at the top of the head, and use a slightly dampened washcloth to slowly move around the face and down the front of the body. This is the time to trim a man’s beard or give the person a haircut or a hair wash. If the mouth doesn’t want to shut, do the teeth need to be brushed? If the mouth doesn’t easily close, you can “tie” the mouth shut by placing a scarf or long piece of soft material under the jaw and making a bow at the top of the head. Once this is removed later, the mouth should remain closed.

  Gingerly roll the person to each side, very slowly, to wash their back side. Use large-sized towels to pat dry as you move along. Treat the person as if they’re alive to make this a somewhat more natural process. Eliminate all sheets or diapers as you bathe, but do replace them in order to help absorb any bodily fluid that might appear.

  TIP: Prior to washing a body, make sure there is a container in the room to place dirty clothing and used items, which makes it easier to gather and haul away the soiled towels, bedding, sponges, and so on.

  TALES FROM THE GRAVE

  In ancient times, when coins were made out of heavier metals, coins were used to weight down the eyes of the deceased and allow them to shut. Ancient Greeks also put coins in the mouths of deceased people, believing they would have to pay the ferryman Charon to take them across the river Styx to the underworld.

  Dressing the Body

  After the body is washed, dress the deceased in what they will wear for burial. Since this is meant to be a green burial, avoid synthetic and non-natural materials. Of course, you may wish to adorn the person in appropriate or meaningful jewelry (it can be removed before burial if necessary), but choose clothing that reflects the green ethos of the burial itself.

  Again, you might need several people for the task of lifting and positioning the body for dressing. Depending on how much time has passed since death, the body may be too limp or it might be less pliable than you want. To get a shirt or dress over the head and onto the body, gently work the arms into the sleeves first and then try to move the head through the top opening of the garment. If this won’t work, consider cutting the garment along the back and tucking the sides under the body.

  Once your deceased loved one is washed and dressed, move them to their coffin or to where they will be displayed for visitation. Place a pillow under their head and lay out the body in a natural-looking manner. Sometimes the visitation will take place where the person was bathed and dressed; they might have passed away in bed, and this could be the logical (or maybe the only) suitable place for them to receive visitors.

  Refrigeration: Preserving the Body

  After death, if no embalming is used, it is paramount to keep the body as cold as possible to slow decomposition. Most states have a funeral home rule that if final disposition does not occur within twenty-four hours, a body must be buried, cremated, embalmed, or refrigerated. Unless you are working with a funeral home, you probably will not have access to a refrigerator that can accommodate a body, so you can choose any cooling method at your disposal: dry ice, ice packs, air-conditioning, and so on. If it’s winter, make sure the heat is off in the room where the body is kept; if it’s summer, turn up the AC.

  In my experience, if the ice is maintained consistently by changing it at least twice per day (and sometimes more), these cooling methods can successfully hold off decomposition for several days.

  Besides the temperature of the air in the room, decomposition can occur at a faster rate depending on a few significant factors related to the deceased, such as if they are obese, have bed sores, or had high amounts of medication in their body when they passed away.

  TIP: You might want to consider placing a thermometer in the casket or on the body to ensure you really are keeping the body cool enough.

  Dry Ice

  Dry
ice, or frozen carbon dioxide, is the best substance to use if you don’t have refrigeration. Dry ice is significantly colder than water ice, and it does not melt into a liquid; it evaporates, leaving behind virtually no mess.

  Dry ice requires careful handling, you will need a lot of it, and it is a specialty item. To keep an average-sized body cool, I suggest surrounding the body with about twenty pounds of dry ice at a time. Since dry ice evaporates steadily, be prepared to purchase the same amount each day until burial.

  This means you will need to identify a convenient dry ice supplier ahead of time, one that carries dry ice in sufficient quantities. All ice cream stores use dry ice, and some will sell it to the general public. You can also approach grocery stores and other retail stores (see the endnotes for further resources).

  Most of all, you must be very careful handling dry ice, which is so cold that it can cause serious burns if touched. Always use thick leather or cloth gloves when handling dry ice, and store extra dry ice in an empty cooler (not in a conventional freezer, which can be damaged by it). Further, as dry ice evaporates, it emits carbon dioxide, which is of course toxic if it becomes too concentrated. Always make sure that you keep dry ice in well-ventilated areas. When transporting it in your car, keep the windows open, and make sure the room where the body is located has lots of fresh circulating air. If not, carbon dioxide fumes can pool, becoming dangerous and even deadly.

  Finally, wrap small blocks of dry ice in cloths, and position them out of sight in a variety of places underneath the deceased’s body. Place several bundles of dry ice along the back, which is the largest area, and then place other bundles under each arm and each leg. Check the dry ice regularly, such as every six hours, to make sure it hasn’t evaporated and is performing as it should.

  Another option is to use a “cooling blanket.” These “blankets,” made from a biodegradable material that looks like white plastic, can hold six small bricks of dry ice. The blankets can then be positioned around the body, even on top. Just lay a fabric blanket over the body, which improves insulation and looks nicer.

  Reusable Ice Packs

  If purchasing dry ice is not possible or feasible, then reusable ice packs can also be used (such as the Techni-Ice brand). As with dry ice, you will need a lot of these packs, which are also sold in connected sheets of a dozen. These can be refrozen in a conventional freezer, which is very helpful, and since they are self-contained and sealed, there is no water due to melting. However, they do create condensation, so you might want to place them in a breathable, absorbent pillowcase, towel, or other fabric. To use, place them around and underneath the body in the same manner as the dry ice.

  Finally, if working with any type of ice is difficult or causes you stress, don’t worry. Use the cooling technique you are most comfortable with, and if that means simply keeping the AC on a very low setting, you should be fine.

  Transporting the Body

  If you are not working with a funeral home and must transport the body long distances, particularly to another state, there are some issues to keep in mind.

  Transporting a body across state lines is not complicated, but make sure you understand the rules in each state through which the body will travel. States do not have uniform laws, but they all have legal requirements, and these requirements occasionally change. For up-to-date information in a state-by-state chart, see the National Home Funeral Alliance’s “Quick Guide to Legal Requirements for Home Funerals in Your State” (see the endnotes).

  It is legal to transport a dead body in a personal vehicle. Any station wagon, minivan, truck bed with canopy, or large sport utility vehicle should work fine. Obviously, you need to measure the container holding the body to ensure that it will fit in your vehicle. It should go without saying that, during transportation, the dignity of the body should be preserved at all times, and that the container not impede the driver from safely operating the vehicle.

  Finally, if embalming is not used, the body needs to be kept cold during transport. As mentioned above, dry ice is recommended, but how much you will need depends on the weather, the distance, and so on. If the trip is more than a few hours, stop to check on the ice and the body regularly. Families have told me the drive with their deceased loved one was much more relaxed when they had already located stores along their route that sell dry ice. Personally, I have used and recommend national ice cream shops like Baskin-Robbins, which will sell dry ice to the public in sufficient quantities and make a nice stop for a cool treat on a long, strange trip.

  Chapter 9

  CONDUCTING A HOME FUNERAL OR GREEN BURIAL

  A resurgence in home funerals is rapidly growing across the country. With home funerals, families reclaim the personal sacredness of death and dying by taking a hands-on approach to some or all aspects of the funeral. Often, this provides families with the gifts of time, connection, and community, allowing everyone to celebrate and mourn together and in the ways they prefer.

  As Lee Webster, president emeritus of the National Home Funeral Alliance, writes, “Home funerals are about empowering families to care for their own dead, to take the time to be present and absorb the loss, to complete a process that is intimate and meaningful without outsourcing it or parts of it unless desired, to build community around the loss of a member.”

  Humans certainly are not one-size-fits-all. We are a patchwork quilt of many ideas, beliefs, and life purposes. A home funeral and/or a green burial allow for lots of freedom when it comes to crafting the perfect, personalized event. Family-directed funerals encompass caring for dead loved ones (see chapter 8) and arranging some type of lovely, personalized send-off, one that emerges organically from open hearts.

  In this chapter, I review some practical considerations related to the event, whether it will be a large community ceremony or a small, intimate gathering of quiet reflection, whether the burial is in your backyard or in a cemetery. However, please note that not all home funerals include a green burial, since many families choose cremation for their loved ones as the final method of disposition.

  Planning the Ceremony

  We spend our lifetimes searching for meaningful connections with others and creating lasting memories. This is a strong reason why we are moved to commemorate the end of a loved one’s life. We give ourselves and our community a chance to remember them, to honor them, to mark that they were here with full hearts.

  When planning the ceremony, the first question to ask is, what do you want to celebrate? Who was the person who died? What was their story, and what will be their legacy? And mostly, how did they want to be remembered?

  The next of kin as well as any important decision makers from the guest of honor’s tribe should meet to craft something personal and special. Who do you need to consult before making final decisions? Make sure to start conversations early with important family members.

  Your celebration should reflect the wishes of the person who died, so consider how the event can celebrate their love of nature or sustainability, their religious or spiritual beliefs, and their life pursuits or passions. Families often cull ideas from prior services they’ve attended and creative websites such as Pinterest, and they draw inspiration from celebrations organized by their loved one when they were alive: What foods, decorations, colors, and music did they choose or gravitate toward? Don’t forget to check the weather for the day chosen!

  Then consider who will be coming: What are their expectations, religions, backgrounds, comfort levels, and so on? How will you accommodate and honor all other perspectives and attitudes? Is this event open to the public, will it be listed on social media, or is it more in line with your community to have just a small home funeral?

  Here is a list of things you might include in a home funeral, along with brief explanations and options for each. For more thoughts on greening memorial services, see chapter 11. Also, please do not feel you need to incorporate everything in this list, as it might not be appropriate to your celebration:

  A
minister or leader? Does it feel correct for you to hire or appoint one person to be in charge, gather everyone’s attention, or officiate? Would it be better for different people to lead at different points in the event?

  Readings and prayers: Did the deceased have a favorite poet, author, songwriter, or Bible verse? Readings can be religious, spiritual, secular, or just some words reflecting their life. Maybe a special letter should be shared?

  Music: Any songs or artists the decedent loved? Consider playing specific live or recorded songs during the service, or as possible background music before or after. Two to three selections tend to be what most people choose.

  Speeches and eulogies: Has anyone offered to share the decedent’s life story, their obituary, or stories about them? Would you like certain people to share certain information, or would you like to open the floor to anyone wanting to speak in front of the group?

  Obituary or posting on social media: Most states do not have a rule that the public announcement needs to be made in print for all debtors and heirs, but a newspaper or online obituary is always an option. There is normally a cost and limited distribution associated with that method, so many people have started using email, Facebook, and other social media platforms to spread the word. Who will have the honor of gathering the information and writing the family obit?

  Graveside ritual: Will there just be some words and the lowering of the body, or would you like to incorporate tossing flowers, photographs on a stand, writing letters, throwing dirt, releasing doves or biodegradable balloons, etc.?

  Decorations: What physical items might help attendants to remember the person’s life: poster boards with photos, a sign-in book with space for thoughts, significant objects from the person’s life, a color theme, etc.